Say something nice
If you want to get a parent's attention, give compliments about his or her kids.
At a recent high school grad party, my husband and I stopped by to chat with the graduate's dad. We told him how much we enjoy having his son at our house -- how he's polite and funny and a good friend to our daughter. We told him he raised a great son. The look of pleasure on that dad's face was priceless.
The next day, I ran into the mom of another recent graduate. I told her how fun it has been to see her daughter grow into such an amazing young woman (who soon will be heading off to an Ivy League college).
Then the mom got my attention. She had been a chaperone on a couple of group trips my older daughter had gone on. She told me that whenever my daughter sees her, no matter who my daughter is with, my daughter runs over and gives her a hello hug.
"It means the world to me," she said, adding that my daughter has a big heart.
My younger daughter recently received an open invitation from the mother of one of her friends. The mom said my daughter is welcome to stay over there as much as she wants this summer because she enjoys having her around.
Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in the day-to-day struggles with our children that we don't see them clearly. We worry about our kids fighting with each other or not doing their homework or household chores, while others may see them as polite, funny and caring.
Parenting can be tough sometimes. Do parents a favor and say something nice about their kids.
Posted by: squeezed on 7/8/2008 at 10:39 AM | Comments (3) | Permalink
Stuff we leave behind
As I get my dad's townhouse ready to sell, I've been dealing with a lot of stuff.
You can tell a lot about a person by the stuff they leave behind.
My dad used to spend winters in Arizona and summers at his townhouse in the Twin Cities. When his health took a dive four years ago, I sold his Arizona house and he lived year-round in Minnesota.
He downsized considerably then, so he didn't have a lot of extraneous stuff when he died. But he never downsized his collection of photos and slides.
I spent three six-hour stints recently going through 44 photo albums and more than 2,000 slides. My brother and sister had marked photos they wanted, and I separated those from the rest to make copies. I took out all the photos (many were in crummy old albums that were destroying the photos) and filed them by date. I packaged up the slides to deal with later.
There were photos of my dad as a teenager dressed in a zoot suit in the 1930s, one of him smoking a cigar in France after he survived the D-Day invasion and one of Bing Crosby performing for the troops somewhere in Europe during World War II.
But mostly there were pictures of family gatherings -- at holidays, picnics and skating parties -- and numerous photos of my relatives gathered around my grandparents' dining room table.
His family was what mattered most to my dad, and I have a mountain of photos and slides to prove it.
Posted by: squeezed on 7/7/2008 at 1:21 PM | Comments (2) | Permalink
Done with math
Forgive me if I brag a little.
My daughter got a "D" in her Algebra II class and I couldn't be happier. That's because she passed the class.
She's a bright girl with many talents. Math isn't one of them.
Her struggles with math started to show up in middle school. She spent one summer getting extensive tutoring to strengthen her math skills. It wasn't much fun for her, but I rewarded her with fancy drinks at Starbucks before or after tutoring sessions.
She managed to make it through Algebra I in ninth grade with the help of a terrific teacher, but when she hit Geometry in 10th grade, we once again turned to outside tutoring for help and she passed the class with a "C."
Algebra II started off pretty rocky for her last fall so I found a private math tutor for her. Her tutor was a local college student who is passionate about math. About three times a week she and Amy would meet at a local coffee shop and study math together.
When it comes time for my daughter to apply to colleges later this year, her transcript will show she has completed the three math classes recommended for college admission. Some college admissions folks might question her low grades in math, but hopefully they'll overlook them because of the many "A's" and "B's" she has earned in other classes.
Up through the last day of school, she was trying her hardest. She couldn't finish her math final in the allotted hour and a half, so she got the teacher's permission to come in later in the day and spend another two hours on it.
I'm very proud of her for all her hard work. In my eyes, she deserves an "A-plus" for determination.
Posted by: squeezed on 6/6/2008 at 3:37 PM | Comments (4) | Permalink
Cool mom
"I'm not like a regular mom. I'm a cool mom."
A few years ago my daughters and I heard Amy Poehler utter that line in the movie "Mean Girls." Her character dressed like a teen, had breast implants and was embarrassing in her efforts to buddy up to her teenage daughter and friends.
I repeat the line to my kids once in awhile to get a laugh. Occasionally we talk about what it means to be a cool mom. Sometimes they'll tell me about a friend's cool mom who has a belly button piercing and wears mini skirts.
To look at me, no one would accuse me of being cool. I have no body piercings or tattoos and I've never had plastic surgery. My fashion style is casual to the point of frumpy. I'm more likely to shop the L.L. Bean catalog than Abercrombie & Fitch.
But I think coolness has nothing to do with things like that. A youth worker in a church taught me that lesson a few years ago. She was in her 50s and was overweight and in poor health. She told me that connecting with kids has nothing to do with how old you are or how you look. It has to do with listening to kids and caring about them.
I saw from the way the young people she worked with respected and loved her that she practiced what she preached.
I try to practice my version of being a cool mom. I try to make my kids' friends feel welcome in our home, but I don't try to hang out with them. Most of the time I let my kids choose the radio station we listen to in the car (although I switch the channel if I hear raunchy rap). I don't sing along to the radio if they have friends in the car. Even when I'm tired, I try to be open to driving my kids to the mall or a friend's house.
I care if my kids get their homework done or if they stay out too late. When they make mistakes, I try to remember that's part of being human -- especially when you're young.
Most of all, I try to listen and care because those are the coolest qualities a mom can have.
Posted by: squeezed on 5/22/2008 at 10:09 AM | Comments (3) | Permalink
Counting the days
It's not only kids who count down the days until school is out. I do, too.
I'm a big believer in education, but by this time of the school year I'm ready for a break. I bet most teachers and students are, too.
Summer will bring a different schedule. There will be busy days of making sure my kids get to their jobs or volunteer duties, requests to drive my younger daughter to her friends' homes or the movies or the mall, packing for trips and camp.
But it's a different kind of busy. I'll be able to sleep in until 7 a.m. on weekdays because I won't have to rush in the morning to drive one of my kids to school. There will be no nights of homework and (my kids will appreciate this) no nagging about schoolwork. We can stay up late and watch a movie on a weeknight or go for a stroll on the Lakewalk or go out for ice cream.
In 17 days, our lives will switch to summer mode. I can hardly wait.
Posted by: squeezed on 5/20/2008 at 10:11 AM | Comments (0) | Permalink