Worst Mother Ever!
I roused my children at 7:32am this morning. I asked them what they wanted for breakfast. Noah asked what time it was then cried because he would be late for school and said he didn't have time to eat. He finally said, "1/2 a pop tart" and I made toaster struddle for the other one. When I handed Noah his plate with a warm pop tart he tried to hand it back to me. "I don't want to eat." I told him he is too old to cry because something doesn't go his way. He turns 9 next week, and has his own alarm clock, but he keeps setting it earlier and earlier, I guess he didn't set it last night. He cried because I yelled at him, ate his pop tart, got dressed, put his lunch in his bag, and sat by the door ready to go for 10 minutes until 8:00am. Adam is so excited he gets to bring a toy for show and tell on Friday, he keeps trying to tell me it is today, yesterday, tomorrow, every day... but the note from his teacher clearly said Friday. Adam sat down on the kitchen floor and put his hands on his chin, "This is the worst day of my life!" as big alligator tears ran down his face. I held him for a moment, and we agreed that Zoe the stuffed cat could hide at the bottom of his backpack and he could take him out at Tammi's. I guess I am not winning any awards for best mom today.
Posted by: East Side Professor on 5/13/2008 at 10:49 AM | Comments (0) | Permalink
Intro/Extro
On the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator I am an ENTJ sometimes I am an INTJ. My students have fun guessing my letters, they usually get the TJ part, but the sometimes I really baffles them. For those of you who don't know E is extrovert while I is introvert. One really good way to explain this is to say that after getting home from a party / or get together an "E" will need to unwind, watch tv, because being around people really energizes them. On the other hand the "I" person needs to go home and goes straight to bed, being around people really drains them. I can pretend I am an E... but I really like my cave.
One thing I have learned about myself that I need to get over is that I am insecure around people because I am insecure about myself. Perhaps it is something I will never get over. I do not like being the center of attention, I will go out of my way not to be. I do not understand people who need the light on them all the time, but I shouldn't care as long as it isn't on me.
Last night we had a niegborhood BBQ, 1/2 an hour in, I took the easy out and said my child wasn't feeling well (which is the truth, he does have a cold) I was in bed by 9:30 and by 10:00 my husband finally came home with the other child. He came to bed around midnight after watching TV. It takes a lot for me to stick my neck out and try and make new friends. We had really great friends in Hawley, I miss that.
Posted by: East Side Professor on 5/10/2008 at 8:53 PM | Comments (3) | Permalink
There has always been water
I have eight more days of school left. I will teach a summer session (or two) but I am looking forward to warmer weather and water. I grew up on a lake, it is part of who I am. My mother will tell stories about waking up and putting a life jacket on, keeping it on all day and then finally when it was time to go to sleep I could take it off. I have never been afriad of the water. I was in swimming lessons, I had to take most of the classes twice, I don't think it was because of my ability, I think it was because of my age. I was only four in level one.
Now that I am older, many of the lake places are gone. Some years I yearn for lake water. I just need to drink a little, get a bit of it up my nose and I will feel more human, or more alive. I am not the only person who misses things like this, for my husband it is the farm and working with wood. For my dad, it is snowcones, fried cheese, and cotton candy. But for me there has always been water.
I learned to ski behind a boat when I was eight, at 15 I was given the choice by my uncle to ski on one ski or not at all, so I did. I love being on the water. My sister has a boat, we are thinking about getting a boat of our own. I suppose it would be cheaper to just drive to a lake, stick my head in and try to breathe -- at least I would get it out of my system.
Jess and I used to have a rule. June 1st we had to go in above our heads. The ice is still on bigger lakes, the water temp will be cold this year. Burrr! The last couple of years has been very warm and by mid July chiggers are rampant, but it you rub down really good you won't get swimmers itch, it has nothing to do with drying off, you have to rub down with a towel -- really well.
We live in an area of Minnesota where the lakes are few and therefore very busy. My idea of the ideal lake is to look out across it and see one or two cabins, but here we have them practically on top of each other and so we stay away from those lakes. We used to live near the cities, and growing up in the lake country I was spoiled, there were some lakes I would never go in, they were scummy and gross. Any lake south of Brainerd isn't worth the effort it would take to swim through that and out into the clear.
I taught swimming lessons at area lakes for four years, I have been in my fair share of lakes and I have my favorites: Straight, Long, and Grace make my top three. Minnesota is the land of 10,000 lakes, actually we have 15,893 lakes and I once had a shirt that named them all.
Posted by: East Side Professor on 5/5/2008 at 9:33 PM | Comments (1) | Permalink
Grandma's and Gardening: A Poem.
My friends keep loosing their grandmothers. It has been a difficult spring for these girls. My grandmother died two years ago this spring, and I haven't been quite the same since. I am not a good gardener, I don't really enjoy it -- However, I just might have to plant some cucumbers in honor of one of these ladies.
Grandmas
and Gardening
(For
Jessica, Jamie, and Jennifer)
We are
the seeds of their flowers.
They knew
all the weeds, and how
To grow
around them, through them
And because of them, they are strong.
Someday
we will be the flowers.
And our
children the seeds.
But first
we must learn
How to
breathe in the rain
And
spread our petals
To soak
in the sun.
We will embrace
each other.
And each
day we will
Rise up,
and bow down.
Just as
we are expecting to
Break
into blossom and bloom.
Our
Grandmothers die.
We are
left open mouthed and wounded.
The April
rain covers our shoulders
To wash
away our sorrow.
To water
down our sadness and loss of self.
Spring is
for wearing gloves
And gardening,
and the smell of ripe dirt
The earth
is ready to nourish, protect, and feed
The
smallest of seeds.
We will
grow from each other
Stand in
unison, sway with the wind
And at
the end of it all
Some will
simply blow away
And we
will all stand and turn
To say
goodbye.
For a
while, we will feel
like we
have been cheated
Unfair
that the world continues
On while
ours has stopped
And we
have to hang on each other
To keep
our balance.
Weighted
by our grief,
We wait
for someone
To grab
us by the arm
And pull
us up after we have fallen.
But they
are gone.
With them
they have taken a piece
Of each
of us.
Our
sadness will never decrease, or go away
But the
jar of our life will get bigger
And the
grief will no longer
Over flow
our cup.
We will
not stop loving them after they are gone.
Next
spring as the snow thaws
In honor
of our Grandmothers
we should
garden in hats and gloves
and plant
seeds.
Posted by: East Side Professor on 5/4/2008 at 9:44 PM | Comments (2) | Permalink
My Aspergers
In Asperger's Disorder, affected individuals are characterized by social isolation and eccentric behavior in childhood. As I have mention in previous blogs, my 8 almost 9 year old was diagnosed with Asperger's last year. While we have an educational diagnosis, I have known Noah to be different from other children for quite some time. In finding out more about aspergers I have noticed that I too have some symptoms. A broad point I want to make is that if we look hard enough and long enough we can all fit into some category, some diagnosis. Noah is superior in math and puzzles, he spends hours with lego's; for a boy that is not so strange. We have good days and bad days, and he is slowly learning what is socially exceptable, or rather when it is socially exceptable to freak out. Noises, lights, smells, and textures are our biggest daily struggles. An aspergers child's brain is wired differently from a "normal" child. Normal is a setting on my washer. Noah hears the noise a hundred times louder than we do and it hurts his ears, often resulting in a meltown, crying and then withdrawl.
My aspergers is exaggerated in texture. I will never have a dishwasher on purpose. When we have rented in the past we have always used the dishwasher as a storage area for pot and pans, never once turning it on. People will say, oh you just have hardwater / need to use jet dry / all of those excuses will not keep me from upon touching a plate / glass that has been washed in a dishwaster from me immideatly wanted to yank my hand back like from a hot flame, clenching my teeth and wanting to wash my hands. Dried clay, dirt, some homeade canned jars, and chalk also create the same "freak out" sequence. I do not wish to be rude, I used to have my own plastic glass at my grandparents on the lake. I will usually take my sleeve and touch my plate, if I am feeling so bold I may run the plate under water so as to remove the "scum" I feel. My aspergers child wants to invent a machine that will do the dishes, my response is always, "Noah that is such a smart idea." No, he knows dishwashers exist, and he is beginning to understand why we don't have one, and never will. However, I am typically the dryer, after washing, I will need to lotion my hands in order not to feel the need to clentch my teeth and tuck my thumbs inside my fists so as not to feel my hands. There is something very theraputic in watching something dirty become clean. It is calming, I don't mind doing the dishes, some really good conversations happen over the sink.
Posted by: East Side Professor on 5/3/2008 at 9:31 AM | Comments (1) | Permalink