When Cyclists Attack

This weekend I was driving along Fourth Street minding my own business when somethng in my peripheral vision made me jump.

It was moving quickly and was blindingly white. I didn't know what it was.

A few hair-rising seconds later, I realized what I had seen - the first cyclist of the season, zipping past cars blissfully unaware (or unconcerned) of their ability to flatten him, the pale May sunshine reflecting off his skim-milk colored skin. I was lucky to have escape the encounter unharmed.

Now that the snow has (maybe) gone, it's safe for these...things to roam freely among us. Soon, I saw others like him. There they were, cruising down London Road in unflattering, uh, performance gear, climbing up Glenwood beneath shiny, beetle-like helmets, creeping along the edge of Skyline like slowly advancing soldiers.

I'm not used to seeing things moving fast on the side of the road, so I still respond to them the way I someone who is texting, changing CDs and drinking coffee would respond to a deer jumping out of the ditch. That is, I would respond with panic. The last thing I need is another moving object I have to try not to hit while driving.

If George Romero were smart, he'd make a movie about these Spandex-clad masses and their silent, rear-view-mirror defying tactics. I don't want to think about what would happen if they finally get suck of us drivers and attacked. But I know it wouldn't be pretty.

Posted by: Will Ashenmacher on 5.07.2008 at 8:50 PM | Comments (5) | Permalink

Seether, Finger Eleven to play at the DECC

Concert news released Monday, May 5:

After several appearances in Duluth in recent years, Seether will return for a concert in Pioneer Hall at the DECC on Sunday, July 6. Show starts at 7:30 p.m., doors open at 6:30 p.m. They'll be joined by Finger Eleven.

Tickets go on sale Saturday, May 10 at 10 a.m. Prices are $30 in advance, $32 day of show, plus any applicable fees.

 

Tickets available at the DECC Box Office, all TIcketmaster outlets, charge by phone (218) 727-2121 or online at www.Ticketmaster.com.

Seether played in Duluth last October, along with Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin and Skillet.

Posted by: Contributor on 5.05.2008 at 6:11 PM | Comments (0) | Permalink

Paging Sherlock Holmes

There are some situations that you can understand pretty well right when you come across them - car crashes, house fires, things like that. There's a backstory, sure, but what you see is fairly easy to interpret.

Then there was this...object News Tribune photographer Amanda Odeski and I came across yesterday at the intersection of First Street and Fourth Avenue West.

It's a bucket that says "Hard-Boiled Eggs" and contains a Santa mitten and some sort of plastic tablecloth.

I have no idea where it came from or why it was just sitting there on the corner. I don't think I ever will know, either.

Posted by: Will Ashenmacher on 5.01.2008 at 1:50 PM | Comments (2) | Permalink

Hella Cherry, Yo.

The other day, another Duluth Currenter and I were looking at an old bookcase in a room of the News Tribune we don't use much anymore. We found a book called "Slang! Topic-by-Topic Dictionary of Contemporary American Lingoes." Copyright: 1990.

Some choice terms from this artifact:

The book also gave a pronunciation guide for "awesome" and then declared it "passe in some circles."

Then, the other day, I found a copy of "Urban Dictionary: Fularious Street Slang Defined" in the donated book bin. Copyright: 2005.

A few gems:

I can't imagine anybody in Duluth calling anyone a boxie or saying they need to go to the ATM for some scrilla. But Duluth does have its own lingo, I think.

Can anybody else think of other Duluth slang?

Posted by: Contributor on 4.30.2008 at 3:27 PM | Comments (10) | Permalink

Well, Shucks!

If I woulda knowed thar was such a thing as The Minnesota Mullet Contest, I woulda growed one. I could beat this here little tyke with one hand tied behinder mah back.

Three-year-old Brady Arenson of Red Wing won the Minnesota Mullet contest. But in a three-second Internet search, I couldn't find the magazine that supposedly sponsored the contest, nor any info about the contest itself (like what he won). I think this thing is fake...

Posted by: Will Ashenmacher on 4.29.2008 at 2:33 PM | Comments (6) | Permalink

Alternative

During the Homegrown Music Festival this week, the Current might flow in a different direction -- the News Tribune's Homegrown blog.

One prerequisite, you must squawk like a chicken while clicking the link:

http://www.areavoices.com/homegrown/

Posted by: Andy Greder on 4.28.2008 at 3:28 AM | Comments (1) | Permalink

Windchill: The Movie

If you were in the Twin Ports earlier this year, you likely have heard of Windchill, the miracle horse who was exposed to the horrible cold for at least four hours, who was heroically taken in by Jeff Tucker and a horde of volunteers and who died after what had been an incredible path to recovery.

It sounds like a tale of tragic fiction. But it's real. And all great tales of reality make even greater retellings for the silver screen, which is why we of the Duluth Current are going to make a pitch for Windchill: The Movie - Forever Young. There's only issue: We have ideas for who should star in the movie, but we just can't seem to lock them down.

Please help us out by voting for who you think should play the following roles.

JEFF TUCKER - the heroic savior
Jeff Tucker Jeff Tucker himself
Dennis Quaid Dennis Quaid
Kevin Costner Kevin Costner
David Caruso David Caruso

WILL ASHENMACHER - the cub reporter

Will Ashenmacher Will Ashenmacher himself
Harry Potter Harry Potter
Bob Saget Bob Saget
Jonah Hill Jonah Hill


WINDCHILL - the miracle horse
Windchill Windchill himself
Barbaro Barbaro
Seabiscuit Seabiscuit
Tilda Swinton Tilda Swinton (hey, she just won an Oscar)

DEREK MONTGOMERY - that News Tribune photographer guy

Derek Montgomery Derek Montgomery himself
Sly Stallone John Rambo

Expect Windchill: The Movie - Forever Young in theaters some time around 2034.

News Tribune, Associated Press, McClatchy photos

Posted by: Cristof on 4.26.2008 at 5:35 PM | Comments (1) | Permalink

Andy Warhol, Is That You?

It's official - "Green" mania has reached a high point.

I saw this stack of Campbell's  soup yesterday (mostly tomato with a rogue chicken noodle up there in the lefthand corner). What about this soup merits the green label and the Earth Day slogan, you ask? I don't know, I respond.

As far as I could tell, the packaging wasn't more eco-friendly than normal. And soup isn't any better for the environment than other food as far as I know. And the kicker? This was at Wal-Mart, the poster child for urban sprawl and environmental degredation.

But it's "green," so it's okay.

Posted by: Will Ashenmacher on 4.25.2008 at 2:04 PM | Comments (1) | Permalink

Take My Advice

We here at the Duluth Current have been having some fun with a bag of Dove dark chocolate.

Each piece comes wrapped in red foil that bears a message inside, so when you unwrap it, you get not only candy but a saying, too. Think Fortune Cookies, but with chocolate.

What's funny here is how weird the messages are. A sampling:

I wonder who writes writes these things. Maybe that person went to the same school as the people who name paint colors (pond-scum green? Let's call it "Inca Emerald.") If I had that job, I might only be able to think of practical things to say, like "Grab a sweatshirt. It could be cold" or "Are you contributing to your IRA? You should be."

If I tried too hard, my messages might go off the deep end: "Sure, go ahead and have another drink." "So what if he/she is married?" "There's only one way to find out of that really is fireproof."

So I guess it's a good thing I only read these messages and don't write them.

(But if I am supposed to "whisper in the dark" as my piece of candy today said to, what should I say? I am still waiting for the wrapper with the answer to that question)

Posted by: Will Ashenmacher on 4.24.2008 at 12:05 AM | Comments (7) | Permalink

I Hear Barbie Goes For Elephants


I know it's not the greatest picture, but what you see here is a Bratz doll riding a camel. She's part of the window display at Eman's Belly Dance Studio, 513 E. 4th St.

So, a Bratz doll on a camel. That makes you want to belly dance, right?

Right?

Posted by: Will Ashenmacher on 4.22.2008 at 9:20 PM | Comments (1) | Permalink