Sophmore Year

My sophmore year of high school was way more dramatic then it needed to be.  Everyone was so depressed and edgy.  People were falling in love with other people all over the place.  When someone broke up with someone, it broke their heart into pieces.  Nothing could be taken lightly.  Eveything that happened was a huge deal and everyone needed to know what one was going through.  I laugh about it now, but then it was so serious.

I read my blog from high school, and I thought wow, did I really post this stuff.  Was I really this angsty and depressing.  The answer is yes.  I'm sure I was really annoying.  It also brought back a few good memories that I had forgotten about like going to a baseball game with Kelsey and Mykel.  Mykel talked in his sleep and told us his name was Squirtle.  The three of us shared a bed too, and I'm not quite sure how we did it.  Then there was the MSN incident with Kelsey.  She was talking to a boy she liked and jokingly I leaned over and typed in "She thinks you're hot."  Kelsey freaked out and pushed me away from the computer and acidentally pushed the send button.  How embarrassing is that?  She managed to tell him that her friend was being an idiot and sent it as a joke.

Most of those things happened during my sophmore year.  Those were great times even with all the dramatic event that we were mostly creating in our heads.  The theatre kept us all busy with tech or acting stuff.  We'd hang out all the time too.  I remember going swimming in Mykel's pool.  I remember Kelsey, Megahn, and I dressing up in Mykel's cloths while he wore my skirt and we walked to Taco Bell's.  I remember hanging out at the Japanese garden.  I remember all our nicknames.  Kelsey being Ice.  Mykel being Airhead.  Megahn being Essay, and me as Tink.  Those names still pop up every now and then.  I remember fighting with Mykel on Valentine's day over stupid things.

I also remember our trips to the Urban and loitering around down town- on the parking ramp, on top of building that we shouldn't have been on.  One time Kelsey jumped off the top of the Parking ramp onto a landing about six feet below.  She got stuck and we had a hard time pulling her back up.  I have the whole thing on tape.  There are lots of great things I have on tape.  I carried my camera with me everywhere then.

I remember hanging out in apartment hallways, thinking we were cool.  I remember watching the same movies over and over again because they were the only ones we could agree on- Not Another Teen Movie and South Park.  I remember cutting class to go hang out in the practice rooms in the music department or the theatre.  Oh and of course who could forget about Burgland's room.  She was our favorite teacher.  At times I felt she was the only one who understood anything.  We used to sit on the floor in her classroom after she told us that we no longer had a seating chart and could sit wherever we wanted.

I had to delete that high school blog, but that's okay.  There were only about ten posts on it anyway.  There was too much stuff that I freaked out about... things I vented about that I probably should've kept to myself.  There was nothing I wouldn't have said to someone's face, nothing I didn't say to people's face.  It's just they should have been put down in a private journal somewhere and not released into cyberspace.  It's okay though I think.  I've learned from that, and I still kept the more important thoughts to myself.  It's always good to have a filter.

Posted by: totallyTUBAular on 10 March 2010 at 3:19 AM | Comments (1) | Permalink

Where Passion Meets Obsession

I have never felt like this before.  I want to become a published author.  Not just an article in a magazine or a short story for Chicken Soup or something like that.  I want to publish a book, a novel.  There's one problem.  I don't have the thing written yet.  Why couldn't my brain have said, "Hey, Ashley, you should write a novel."  Why did it have to go write to the publishing idea?  I want to do it more than anything.  I believe I could acomplish it.

I have the idea.  It would be an extenstion of "Life Sucks," a short story I wrote for creative writing.  The same class that I started this blog for.  At work today writing this was all I could think about.  Publishing it was all I could think about.  It was so bad, that by the time I was off work I had a headache.  I've wanted to be a writer since I was in second grade.  My aunt Nancy told me once that writting's just a hobby.  I've never forgotten that, but at this moment in my life it is the only thing I can see myself doing.

I don't even know how to go about trying to get a book published.  So many questions pop in my head like how to get something copyrighted.  Or where do I find a publisher.  Or how to write a query letter.  I really wished I would have saved some of the hand outs we got from creative writing.  I'd at least have some sort of clue as to what I'm doing.

I have to slow down.  I know that.  I don't even have this thing written yet.  I'm thinking it'll take a while.  I'm thinking some time around three months if I can truely dedicate myself to this.  On top of that, I have no idea if it will suck or not.  What I need to do is finally buy a computer charger so I can get to work on writting this sucker.  That's my first goal.  I'm going to forget about the idea of publishing and just focus on writting.  If this novel idea doesn't work out though, I'd like to try to get a short story or poem published.  It's been my dream since I was little, and I think it would be good for me.

Posted by: totallyTUBAular on 09 March 2010 at 12:11 AM | Comments (1) | Permalink

Turn Together

This is a poem I wrote in high school.  I found it on another blog, but I wanted to delete that blog.  I didn't think this poem deserved to be lost among the rest of my high school, drama queen, angsy teenager, ramblings.

When I needed you the most,
You turned away.
When you needed me,
I ignored you.

Something tragic happened,
That doesn't mean we should turn away.
We need to help each other through it.
We understand each other's pain.

Don't turn your back on me,
And I promise I won't turn my back on you.
No more, never again.
It's not what friends should do.

We need to be there for each other,
Lean on one another.
I'll be your support system
if you can be mine.

We'll help each other through this,
But we have to accept it.
We can't turn away from it;
We can't turn away from each other.

I'll be there for you, I promise.
I ask you to do the same for me,
Please, let's be as close as we can to
what we once were.

When we need each other the most,
Let's not turn away.

Posted by: totallyTUBAular on 08 March 2010 at 11:58 PM | Comments (1) | Permalink

My Mommy Loves Me

I hate my first of the month paychecks.  Why?  Because I don't get any of it?  Why?  Because I'm a horrible budgeter.  I spend all my sixteenth of the month paycheck and then don't have any left over to save for the rent.  This month, I had fifteen dollars left over after paying the rent check.  Heck yes, a whole fifteen dollars.  That'll be gone in a week.  If I really do get full time hours at Dairy Queen, I'll be able to put some money away in my savings account every month.  Also, I finally went to school and officially withdrew from all my classes so I have more time for work.  Pam, the advisor, was really nice about it and everything.  She kept asking me if I was okay.

Anyway... back to the money issues.  I simply don't have any.  My amazing mother came to the rescue.  As much as I love being independent and on my own, I love having a mother who is still willing to help me out.  It'll be a sad day when I move away or get too old for that kind of help... okay, maybe I'm too old now.

My mom took me grocery shopping.  I got quite a bit out of the deal too.  There were party pizzas, hot pockets, easy mac, rice-a-roni, diet coke, juice... the list goes on.  I got about forty dollars worth, which I'm hoping I can stretch out until the next paycheck.  There's always Del's, my family's restaurant.  They feed me there.  There's also my grandparents and mothers house.  Wow, I am a mouch.

After the grocery shopping, my mom gave me twenty bucks for gas.  My gas light has been on for a long time, and I've been driving it.  Not a great idea, especially in the winter.  I love my mom.  Oh, and she also bought mouse food for a mouse she thinks is disgusting.  Although, she did admitt he looks cute.  I'll make it a goal for myself to really be on my own.  I mean, I'll be getting almost twice as much money as I usually do on my next paycheck.  I won't need my mom anymore.  Actually, that's totally a lie.  I'll need her to be my mom and everything, just not for money.

Posted by: totallyTUBAular on 03 March 2010 at 10:32 PM | Comments (1) | Permalink

Picky Eater

I am a picky eater.  It's not like I have such refined taste buds or anything like that.  There's just lots of foods I don't like.  I guess you could say that I'm like a little kid.  I'll eat mac and cheese, cheesburgers, peanut butter and jelly sandwitches, grilled cheese... the list goes on.

I will not, however, eat anything with bones in it.  Sorry, if I gross anyone out, but I simply can not be reminded that I'm eating an animal.  I like food with bones in it sometimes.  For example, I like chicken wings.  But for a long time I haven't been able to eat things if they have bones.  It's the same if my meat is pink.  I have to have everything well done, burnt if possible.  I also won't eat anything that's shaped like anything... like frog legs.

When I was younger I never had trouble eating vegtables.  I still don't I guess.  I love broccolli and salads.  It's just that I don't quite eat as many as I should.  When I was a kid, however, I couldn't get enough.  We'd go out to eat at a buffet and I'd come back with a plate full of broccolli covered with cheese.  I loved raw veggies with ranch.

So now in my adulthood, I basically consume the same sorts of food from day to day.  A lot of ramen soup!  I eat at Dairy Queen way more than I should because it's easy to get something to eat before work.  I'll eat Rice a Roni and TV dinners.  Pizza's in there too.  I guess it's safe to say that I do eat like a little kid.  I even have food phobias like children do.

Posted by: totallyTUBAular on 26 February 2010 at 3:15 PM | Comments (1) | Permalink