A UFO Christmas

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (with sincere apologies to Clement C. Moore)

 ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the prairie

Not a being was stirring, not even a fairy.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of ET danced in their heads

Mama in her flannels and I in my jeans

Had just settled down to seek out new beings

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang from the radio to see what was the matter

Away to the periscope I flew in a dash, flipped on the spotlight and turned on the flash

The moon on the breast of the newfallen snow gave a luster of midday to objects below

When what to my wondering eyes did beam down, but a miniature alien in a silvery gown

More rapid than tap-dancing did my heart pitter pat

I knew in a moment it must be the rat

who’d stolen our cattle and slaughtered our critters,

given us headaches and made our lives bitter.

“Now Bossie, now Elsie, now Dotty, now Bessie!”

They hacked our whole herd and left the yard messy.

To the furthest pasture, to the top of the bluff,

the aliens got them all, and took all their stuff.

And then in a nanosecond, I heard his hand beep,

It was a radio device that I’d seen in my sleep.

As I put down the periscope, I described to my wife,

the extraterrestrial who’d consumed my life.

“He was dressed all in white from his head to his toe,

and his medical instruments swung to and fro.

His eyes, they were round, his mouth hole scary,

He had no cheeks and his gown gleamed glary.

He was slender and quick, a short little fiend

that flattened the crops before they’d been gleaned.

A beep from his ship and “moo’s” from the shed

Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread.

He spoke not a word and turned to retrieve,

 another test subject before he would leave.

And sighting him in my .357,

I blasted the alien and sent him to heaven.

My gun gave a roar, the alien disappeared

As the UFO sped off, triumphant I cried,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to ET good-bye.”

Posted by: HOMD on 12/22/2006 at 4:13 PM | Comments (0) | Permalink